Sunday, August 23, 2015

Be strong. Jangan waved.

23 August 2015

Assalamualaikum.

He didn't miss you bitch. He miss someone who wait for him. Do not waved. 

He didn't deserve your best. 

Walaupun perasaan kau kalau boleh nak mengadu domba menumpang kasih. DON'T.

You will get hurt bitch. Stay away. Stay  as far as possible.

This shall pass.

Saturday, August 22, 2015

I hit the bottom rock

22 August 2015

Assalamualaikum.

Actually dah tiga hari I karang entri delete-karang-delete. Hehehe. Well, its kind of mengada ngada jugak lah kan. Biar lah, kan entri I. Bukan ada orang baca pun. Hehehe. 

I was at my worse. The whole week. I experience depression,tense, sadness, overly sensitive senang cerita semua feeling lah at one time. Jenuh jugak lah I nak melayan perasaan sorang sorang. Hahahhaha. I was at the bottom rock. 

I fall hard. Bleeding. Fractured. Macam jatuh dalam perigi tua. Nasib baik takde air sebab I tak pandai berenang. Hehe

Well, bukan I tak pernah hit the bottom rock pun sebelum ni tapi this is the most mixed feeling I ever felt. Selalu kalau I hit bottom rock, I akan quickly get up. Sapu debu. Flip hairs. Chin up. Climb. I won't let myself hurt for so long. My body tak boleh tahan sakit hati lama lama nanti demam. Nope, I do forget and let that past. But I am certainly not forgiving. Yes, I hold grudges. But I am fine. 😊 takde lah sampai I doakan yang bukan bukan. 

This time I was sitting on that feeling quite long. Waiting for someone to give me a hand. To lean a shoulder. I know I boleh climb up myself tapi I just want him to be at my worse. To stay. To cheer me up. Pathetic enough, he didn't. 

Just because I acted tough. And he knows I will get through this. I guess he didn't  want to waste his time. 

Its okay. I still get up. Sapu debu. Flip hairs. Chin up. Climb. Still hurting but I heal myself. Myself. I don't need him anymore. 

This morning I went hiking. I must leave this broken heart up there. 

Farewell. 

The bitch is back. 

Condition : Kind of fragile at this moment. Bleed, fractured. 

Recovery period : another 6 years. 




Sunday, August 16, 2015

Falling hard. Sakit jugak lah perasaan nye

30minutes before 12pm. Still 16 August 2015

Assalamualaikum

Impressive. Satu hari ada dua entri. Hehehe. Pencapaian yang baik.

Ahad. Esok kerja tapi I tak boleh tidur. Rasanya sebab minum kopi ah huat tadi banyak sangat. Kenapa lah ah huat jual kopi. Kenapa tak jual maruku ke, aiskrim potong ke. *sigh*

Mungkin ah huat just one of the reason. Maybe jugak the only reason. Ataupun sebenarnya ah huat tak salah apa apa pun. I don't know. I don't even know where went wrong. Tapi I know when all this began. 

When I finally decide to hand that person a gun,let him point to my heart hoping that he didn't pull the trigger. Am I regret?

I tak boleh decide which feeling is better. I finally met someone yang fit my personality. But somewhat I didn't feel right. Macam u pegi crowded place tapi u felt so lonely. Rather than before u where all alone tapi u felt complete. 

At times I wish he did pull the trigger. So that I can leave now. Because I know if I stayed any longer, I wouldn't be able to find myself back. I will fall hard. Bleeding. Fractured. 

I am afraid I might not be able to recover.  

I am speechless. Hopeless. 

Entri setahun sekali

16 August 2015

Assalamualaikum

Its been awhile people. Last entri was in 2014 right? Can't recall. Hahahaha. Konon sebok nau nau lah tak sempat menulis. Konon. Padahal malas. 

Another year. 

After so long suddenly tonight I miss the old me. Well, I know kita kena keep moving forward. Mana ada orang kan walk backward iye dak? Tapi I must admit at times I really rindu to be what I used to be. Bold. Temper. Mulut takde insurans. Hehe. 

Well sekarang pun masih bold, masih temper dan mulut masih belum cover insurans. Cuma dah slow down sikit. Nanti kang orang cakap sebab tu lah u anak dara tua. (Yes masih anak dara terima kasih) tapi one thing yang sebenarnya I wish didn't happen. I wish I would never bother what people think about me. 

Just as much as I denied it, sebenarnya I do care what the hell people think about me.

Kenapa I takde boyfriend. Kenapa I takde ramai kawan. Kenapa I kuat keje. Kenapa I boring. Kenapa I boleh switch personality. Kenapa I cuma ada baju kaler hitam biru merah. Kenapa tak pakai shawl. Kenapa pakai selipar jepun. Kenapa tak dress up. Urghhhh

I really wish I boleh shut this people up. I really wish I would just totally ignore them. Tapi wish jela. Pernah ke hati kita ni ikut apa otak nak? 😊 

So I pujuk hati. So long u tak susah kan orang tak meminta mintak. Then whatever u feel I will bear the cost. U nak sedih pun sedih lah. Nak bosan pun bosan lah. Nak excited pun excited lah. Walaupun deep inside I wish keje u cuma pam darah je. Tak payah nak feeling feeling sangat. Sebab u bukan nak dengar pun kan nasihat I. So be it. But make sure to be strong as well. Because if u crash, I pun crash. 

Till then. xoxo. 



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