Saturday, August 22, 2015

I hit the bottom rock

22 August 2015


Actually dah tiga hari I karang entri delete-karang-delete. Hehehe. Well, its kind of mengada ngada jugak lah kan. Biar lah, kan entri I. Bukan ada orang baca pun. Hehehe. 

I was at my worse. The whole week. I experience depression,tense, sadness, overly sensitive senang cerita semua feeling lah at one time. Jenuh jugak lah I nak melayan perasaan sorang sorang. Hahahhaha. I was at the bottom rock. 

I fall hard. Bleeding. Fractured. Macam jatuh dalam perigi tua. Nasib baik takde air sebab I tak pandai berenang. Hehe

Well, bukan I tak pernah hit the bottom rock pun sebelum ni tapi this is the most mixed feeling I ever felt. Selalu kalau I hit bottom rock, I akan quickly get up. Sapu debu. Flip hairs. Chin up. Climb. I won't let myself hurt for so long. My body tak boleh tahan sakit hati lama lama nanti demam. Nope, I do forget and let that past. But I am certainly not forgiving. Yes, I hold grudges. But I am fine. 😊 takde lah sampai I doakan yang bukan bukan. 

This time I was sitting on that feeling quite long. Waiting for someone to give me a hand. To lean a shoulder. I know I boleh climb up myself tapi I just want him to be at my worse. To stay. To cheer me up. Pathetic enough, he didn't. 

Just because I acted tough. And he knows I will get through this. I guess he didn't  want to waste his time. 

Its okay. I still get up. Sapu debu. Flip hairs. Chin up. Climb. Still hurting but I heal myself. Myself. I don't need him anymore. 

This morning I went hiking. I must leave this broken heart up there. 


The bitch is back. 

Condition : Kind of fragile at this moment. Bleed, fractured. 

Recovery period : another 6 years. 

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